Living the Palm House Life
What’s the point? What happens when you feel like nothing is working?
Every once in a while, there is a season in ministry where many things seem to hit a metaphorical fan. There isn’t much you can do to stop the onslaught of objects trapped in the spinning blades. There is even less you can do with the remnants being propelled in every direction. Sometimes you feel like the best position to take is the corner with a mop, broom, dust pan, anything really. You stand there with anything and everything you can think of that will help you minimize the mess and maximize the cleaning process. That is honestly and truthfully how full-time ministry can feel when you are working with children... and people for that matter.
When all the dust settles and you are on the final stretch of “righting” as much as you physically can achieve, that is when every person or missionary asks themselves the question: What’s the point? Does anything we are doing even matter?
Some of our amazing children are dealt life experiences that simply are not fair. The men and women we love on and forge relationship with on a weekly bases are still trapped in snares of worthlessness and confusion. Even when we love on the kids and continue to point them to the ultimate Source of Love, some still project hate because that is all that is modeled for them over the rest of their week. This fight isn’t fair! And the most frustrating thing about this revelation is that I don’t actually get to write the rules. I don’t have any control over what hits the fan.
It’s in the midst of that frustration that I feel a shift happen in such a way that only the Creator of my heart can manage. He begins to remind me of all the unfair moments in the Bible. Daniel cast into a lions den, Joseph falsely accused and then sent to prison, a shepherd boy vs wild animals, only to later face a giant. The stories began to fill my mind as if I was exploring a life-sized pop-up book. Then He began to show me a few more stories, but just a little more recent.
"Remember when I asked you to move to Abilene and trust Me to provide a place for you to live? I didn’t just give you a house - I moved you into a ministry. Remember just yesterday when one of the newer children looked into your eyes and told you she loved you? A few weeks ago she wouldn’t even receive your hugs." I felt His whisper spread across my heart. "I am the God of the unfair. But don’t you be confused about what side of the battle you are standing upon. What you see as poor placement is actually a divine positioning. I am placing people where I need them to be so I can come in and take over. It is indeed an unfair fight, but it is not I that is at the disadvantage."
His words came fresh and in a way that felt both rapid with a fiery aggression, but also soft like a protective embrace. He has called me to do all that I can do, but then stand. Stand on His truth, stand on his promises. When I am weary from the battle, He reminds me to allow Him to fight. I know that I may be broken-hearted over one situation at the moment, but so is He. When things really do hit that fan, I know that the Creator of our hearts has the blueprints to put it all back together.
So the point is Jesus!
I can rest in the reality that He is working. And when Dad is working on something, I can stand, knowing that no matter how big the mess gets... He is bigger.